From a drunk’s perspective, the glass is always half empty, which provides plenty of excuses to drink, if any are needed. Maybe, rationalization is a better word for what I did, or rather, for what the committee in my head was fond of doing. This is not to say that my alibis were not based on fact. They were. For example, I was born to an unwed woman on welfare in the Salvation Army Home and Hospital for Unwed Mothers in Birmingham. My birth mother had formal diagnoses of Depression and Schizophrenia. She came from an alcoholic family. Subsequently, I was placed in four foster care homes before the age of three. l was adopted by people who had lots of problems themselves. Now, right there are several “good” reasons to bemoan my state in life – and stay drunk.
Different From the Rest
ln 1956, being born “out of wedlock” was quite a stigma. I was considered a bastard at that time. I didn’t have a father. I had an “alleged father.” I never quite felt at ease with other “normal” people. You remember the song, “Love child, Love child, different from the rest, Love child, Love child, always second best…”
When I got sober, I began to see that I was not so “different from the rest.” I was simply another guy trying to figure out his life. Now, after being (usually) free from “the bondage of self,” I have come to realize that I’m just another kid along on the hike. Indeed, my humble beginnings provide me with. a way of relating to, helping, and serving others, which is my purpose in sobriety – being of “maximum service to others.” In other words, a new perspective has slowly overcome my fears and excuses, by the Grace of God.
Poor Little Old Me
I did not learn of my biological roots until recently because of state laws regarding the release of such information. I did learn the nature of those roots, however, by long experience. I was an active alcoholic for 12 and a half years. I spent my twenties drunk and in jail. Boy was I pissed.
While my friends and peers were getting medical degrees, running their own businesses, and starting families, I was doing stretches in the crossbar hotel, haunting rescue missions, and checking in and out of assorted psych wards. It was not FAIR! What had I ever done to deserve such treatment? Was it not enough that I was a drunken, homeless bastard? Did I have to watch as life passed me by as well? Poor little old me (PLOM). I suffered from the PLOM’s for many years.
A New Perspective
Working AA’s 12 steps taught me a new perspective.
Today, I am grateful for being born. Many children in those circumstances are not. I am grateful for being cared for by strangers. These people did not have to take a motherless infant into their homes. I am grateful for being adopted. Many children end up in orphanages, dumpsters, or worse. The adoptive couple with problems didn’t have to take on another by raising someone else’s brat. I am grateful for the time spent in jails, missions, and psychiatric facilities. I can now use this experience to help others. I am grateful for being an alcoholic. I never would have learned to live a spiritually based life had I not been forced to do so.
I’m even grateful for my relapse years 25 ago after nearly ten years of sobriety. Otherwise, l would never have learned (or admitted) that I had inherited my mother’s depression. I learned that I did NOT inherit her Schizophrenia, although I understand that one of my half-sisters did. Finally, I am grateful for the problems I face every day, because they bring me closer to my higher power, whom I choose to call God.
Now that I take personal responsibility for both alcoholism and depression, I have a new lease on life. Now, by the Grace of God and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have a lovely wife, a comfortable home, a professional degree, a decent job, and a bright future. One day at a time. ln other words, a new perspective.
Written by Don Phillips
Don Phillips is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with more than 27 years of experience in behavioral health and 35 years of personal recovery from chemical addiction. He holds a Bachelor’s degree in General Psychology from Athens State University and a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from Alabama A&M University. He is an Advanced Alcohol & Drug Counselor (AADC) and Internationally Certified AADC (ICAADC).