One of the tragic results of addiction is a life filled with guilt and shame. As men at His Way begin to learn of the love, grace, and mercy of God, they typically ask a question, “I know God has forgiven me and that others have forgiven me, but how do I forgive myself?”
Forgiveness Is a Fact, Not a Feeling
One key concept that we need to understand is that forgiveness is a fact, an event, and a state of being, not a feeling. Satan majors in the manipulation of feelings. If we let feelings dictate, we will always be easy prey for Satan’s wiles. A key defense against Satan’s attacks is walking in the facts of recovery and not just the emotion of it.
The reality is that as your beliefs begin to change about the facts of a situation. You begin to see things as they really are, not as you imagine them to be. These truths liberate you from being manipulated by your emotions. As you grow in faith regarding the truth of your situation your feelings will change to match those beliefs.
When one gets married, in an instant the fact of your life changes from being single to being bound to another for life. While the fact of that reality changes in an “I do”, the experience of it and the feelings of it gradually catch up to the fact over time.
So, whether you feel forgiven or not will change when you experience the truth of God’s forgiveness in your life. The adulteress woman in John 8, for example, when her accusers, confronted with their own sin, abandon their condemnation of her. Jesus announces, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (v. 11).
Jesus releases her from her guilt and inspires her in the truth of a forgiven person that she does not have to live a sin filled life anymore.
Guilt Will Hold You Hostage
The other question I ask someone who says that they cannot forgive themselves is when did you become God? Why are you placing yourself in a higher position than God? If He has forgiven you and those you offended or harmed have forgiven you, why are you placing yourself above them? Holding ourselves hostage to our guilt looks like a humble attitude, but in fact it is a prideful spirit of not accepting that grace that has been extended by those who have been harmed by us. We must humble ourselves and accept by faith the grace that has been given and begin walking in this truth.
The prodigal son of Luke 15 is a parable Jesus creates that profoundly illustrates this reality. The younger son takes and squanders his father’s family wealth until he is broke. As a Jewish boy in a far-off country, he finds himself in the vilest position of all, feeding filthy swine. And even below that, yearning to eat the pig’s food only to be told no, because the pigs are more valuable than he.
In that desperate state, he remembers home and comes up with a plan. He will go back and humble himself stating, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” (vv. 18,19)
His thought is that due to his terrible behavior, he has lost his status as a son but possibly can be accepted as a low tier servant. He believes that it might be possible to receive that much grace from his father.
But as he returns, he is met with a shocking response. His father leaps off the porch and runs to him. Throws his arms around his son and begins kissing him. The ashamed and embarrassed son begins to make his request, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.”
But the father interrupts by instructing his servants to get his son his robe, ring, shoes, and begin to prepare the fattened calf. Because whether the young son has behaved like a son or is worthy by his actions to be regarded as a son, whether he feels like a son or not, he is in fact a son. And nothing has changed that reality.
The father declares, “Let us eat and celebrate. For this MY SON was dead, and is alive again, he was lost and is found.” (v.24)
We Are Children of God
If you are a son or daughter of God, then in your repentance YOU ARE HIS CHILD whether you feel like it or not, whether you think you are deserving or not. We are only children of God by His grace and mercy, never by our achievement or accomplishment.
“But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” (John 1:12,13)
“See what kind of love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” (I John 3:1a)
As the second step of AA says, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” That is a faith step that challenges us to surrender our feelings to a fact that there is a God who by His grace and love can transform our status from sinner to child of God.
Will you accept this grace by faith?
If you do, then Romans 8:16,17 is God’s promise for you.
“The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children then heirs – heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him.”
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